Some times things get awkward. What if they aren't responding? When do you press on and when is it time to quit? How do you handle other friends? These are some frequently asked questions and problems that can cause trouble with long distance relationships. From my experience here are the best ways to handle these tough situations.
- What if its awkward? Things are always awkward at first with things like this but when it is awkward for a long time you may need to adjust what you are doing. Some people are very shy on the phone, letter writing isn't for everyone, the key here is finding what works (see my past entries for more on this). And in the beginning just stick to it even if its hard. It will get easier as you both get used to it.
- No response. With mail I would try waiting, mail can be very slow some times, and then try writing again, the letter may have gotten lost, then you could ask them about it. For phone calls its a little different. Once you have called and left a message the ball is in their court, there is not much else you can do, you can try calling back after some time has passed but don't badger them, they probably have a reason especially if it was a scheduled call so let them get back to you when they can.
- When to quit. You've tried everything, they just won't make the effort to maintain the relationship. You can't force them to respond to you but you can try telling them how you feel. Call them and explain what your relationship means to you. You are the one to decide for yourself when a friendship is not working. You need to decide when to quit. If they aren't responding already it is easy to fade off of keeping in touch, and that does not mean you can never write or call them ever again. The occasional letter or call is a good way to remind them you still care without spending so much effort on some one who won't respond. No one wants to give up on a friendship but it will be better for you and if it doesn't work it doesn't work.
- Other friends. Your long distance friend will have other friends. It's just a fact. It is hard to see and hear about other friends of your friend when you can't be there with them. So how do you deal with that? Accepting that they have other people to be friends with is the first step. Look around at your other friends and acknowledge that multiple friends is part of life. It is hard to be apart especially at first and if your long distance friend talks a lot about other friends that may be their way of dealing with not being able to see you. You can definitely let them know if this talk hurts you or change the subject. And don't do the same thing to them, it's okay to say a few things about other friends but don't go on and on, keep in mind how you would feel in their shoes. Most importantly, don't let jealousy or hard feelings about other friends come between you and your friend.
The big thing here is to be open and communicate your thoughts and feelings to each other. Working through problems can be hard but you will come through it with a stronger friendship then ever.
- What if its awkward? Things are always awkward at first with things like this but when it is awkward for a long time you may need to adjust what you are doing. Some people are very shy on the phone, letter writing isn't for everyone, the key here is finding what works (see my past entries for more on this). And in the beginning just stick to it even if its hard. It will get easier as you both get used to it.
- No response. With mail I would try waiting, mail can be very slow some times, and then try writing again, the letter may have gotten lost, then you could ask them about it. For phone calls its a little different. Once you have called and left a message the ball is in their court, there is not much else you can do, you can try calling back after some time has passed but don't badger them, they probably have a reason especially if it was a scheduled call so let them get back to you when they can.
- When to quit. You've tried everything, they just won't make the effort to maintain the relationship. You can't force them to respond to you but you can try telling them how you feel. Call them and explain what your relationship means to you. You are the one to decide for yourself when a friendship is not working. You need to decide when to quit. If they aren't responding already it is easy to fade off of keeping in touch, and that does not mean you can never write or call them ever again. The occasional letter or call is a good way to remind them you still care without spending so much effort on some one who won't respond. No one wants to give up on a friendship but it will be better for you and if it doesn't work it doesn't work.
- Other friends. Your long distance friend will have other friends. It's just a fact. It is hard to see and hear about other friends of your friend when you can't be there with them. So how do you deal with that? Accepting that they have other people to be friends with is the first step. Look around at your other friends and acknowledge that multiple friends is part of life. It is hard to be apart especially at first and if your long distance friend talks a lot about other friends that may be their way of dealing with not being able to see you. You can definitely let them know if this talk hurts you or change the subject. And don't do the same thing to them, it's okay to say a few things about other friends but don't go on and on, keep in mind how you would feel in their shoes. Most importantly, don't let jealousy or hard feelings about other friends come between you and your friend.
The big thing here is to be open and communicate your thoughts and feelings to each other. Working through problems can be hard but you will come through it with a stronger friendship then ever.
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