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Proactive and Reactive friends

 Recently I was playing around with the idea that there are several different types of friendships. And not just the common types, business, intimate, useful... No I mean more along the lines of different ways of being a friend. Lets look at a few examples: Firstly, say you and Jane have been friends for a few years now. She's been over to your house several times and you see each other at school/ a class about once a week. She came to your last birthday party, she knows your parents and siblings, and you've had her over for a sleepover a few times. But you've only been to her house once, you might know her mom if you saw her but probably not her dad, and you have been to her birthday but not at her house. This is an example of what I am calling a proactive friendship. Meaning that you are, in this case, a proactive friend. You take the first move. You are the one sending the invites. You take the steps you need to get to know her better.  Now lets look at an example of you...
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How to write a letter.

I often talk about writing letters and I have always written them but I don't really remember where I even learned how. Over time I have learned the best way to write a friendly letter and I am giving an example below. The key with writing personal letters is don't try to be perfect. Don't spent to much time making your penmanship beautiful and all your spelling correct. Sure these things are important. No one will be able to read what you are trying to say if you scribble and misspell everything but being perfect is not the point. A few mistakes don't matter. The person receiving the letter will surely be so pleased at receiving mail that they will overlook any mistakes you made. But that does not mean you have to use a permanent marker, actually don't do that. Use a pencil especially if you are nervous about making a mistake. But don't spend the whole time erasing. Now here is an example of a friendly letter that I came up with. 1.) Dear (Name),          ...

Real Life

Keeping in touch with people is a huge part of our world today. A quick text is not enough, we must be deliberate about our relationships. Staying consistent is huge. Follow through with your commitments. Be brave and take the necessary steps to have a good long distance and you will be thankful to yourself later. My best friend told me some thing very true and inspirational, she said that "the closest friends are the ones who move away." If you think about it this is very true. When you or a friend move and you are forced to be deliberate with your friendship it will grow stronger than it ever could have when you still lived close to each other. This can be true with pen-pals too,you may never actually meet each other but you will have a lasting bond because you kept in touch. Here are some things I have learned from over three and a half years of consistent long distance friendships. - Sometimes persistence is what it takes to get things going. Be regular, write or call o...

Trouble

Some times things get awkward. What if they aren't responding? When do you press on and when is it time to quit? How do you handle other friends? These are some frequently asked questions and problems that can cause trouble with long distance relationships. From my experience here are the best ways to handle these tough situations. - What if its awkward? Things are always awkward at first with things like this but when it is awkward for a long time you may need to adjust what you are doing. Some people are very shy on the phone, letter writing isn't for everyone, the key here is finding what works (see my past entries for more on this). And in the beginning just stick to it even if its hard. It will get easier as you both get used to it. - No response. With mail I would try waiting, mail can be very slow some times, and then try writing again, the letter may have gotten lost, then you could ask them about it. For phone calls its a little different. Once you have called and ...

What Now?

Once you get a good long distance friendship going you may find yourself thinking, what now? When you start thinking that it may be time for a change. After all, interests change and it is much better to make an adjustment than to continue with something you find boring. And chances are that your friend is thinking the same thing. So how do you do it? Here are some ideas and things that I have found work well. - Be creative. Use your imagination and think about what you like to do with the friends you see all the time. Then find a way to turn that into something you and your long distance friend can do. For example my friend and I loved pioneers so we invented a game to play and on our weekly phone calls we played it. Then we started a diary about the game. Finally we turned the diaries into a book. We haven't finished it yet but it was so much fun. We had to progress through some stages and adjust to our interests. So be creative, work with your interests, and don't be afrai...

The beginning

When you or a friend move away it can seem like your friendship is over. I can say that after moving three years ago most of my friendships are stronger than they ever could have been when I lived a few minutes away. Why? Because me and my friends were forced to prioritize each other. We had to carve out time and find things we still could do together. And most importantly of all we had to do this our selves instead of just having our mom's schedule something. This is critical because in doing all this we ended up making more time for each other than we ever would have spent together in the first place. For example, before I moved my best friend and I spent a few hours together once or twice a month. Now we spend about an hour on the phone every week. We also write letters back and forth. And we are closer than ever.  Here are some key things to think about when starting out. This can be when you or a friend move or if you are trying to get back in touch with someone. - Find you...